Camaraderie II (Blog Post)

Some Truth (as I see it): 

Recent times have been very hard on all compassionate sensitive humans.

Democratic Procedure is a crappy way of trying to address our current moment that tries to get at the social issue of consent but utterly fails leading to more divisiveness and resentment…Which, kind of undermines the whole thing… 

I want to really delve into The Social Contract that modern demcoratic procedure is based on at some point in a future. For now, though, I think delving into some of the thinking behind The Serenity Prayer might be more useful. It has a decent notion that I’ve found most worthy of consideration in this moment.  Quoted as follows: 

“Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other.”

I see the prayer, especially as it was originally written, as a request for wisdom in choosing how to utilize one’s resources. Be that time, money, space for relationships or political engagement. That is a very valid request that I feel we should all be making to whatever or whoever wields the power to grant it. Being agnostic, I’d like to believe that I can put that request out into the universe and that it might matter on some level to someone or something. But, ultimately, for me,  I know I am the one that will have to grant that request for myself. 

So what do I need the courage to alter? What do I need to realize must be let go? How do I tell? Therapists have been trying to guide me on this for years with no success. I stubbornly believe that despite my unending struggle with it, my connection to others will be my salvation while on Earth. I cannot change this. I don’t want to change this. So, I shall accept it as my Everest. 

In this moment, the foothills of my Everest are working with my comrades. Maybe we can’t change the democratic process or capitalism or really work on finding a way to have consent in its truest sense. Only time will tell. But we are comrades because we don’t buy that changing the world for the better is impossible. We aren’t willing to settle for half measures and negotiations. We want better. The struggle for better becomes our source of esteem. Our ideas and visions for better are usually quite principled and well defined. A truly awesome thing relative to many who walk around with vague notions of an eventual betterment that may one day be reached.

But, in having such principled passionate knowledge wrapped up in our esteem we face a real challenge. Namly, others. So how do you hold space to talk, consent and take action? How do you organize. How do you do what every human group on Earth has failed to do thus far? 

It starts with talking. Expressing desires. Expressing the limits of your consent. Informing others of your needs. Listening and respecting their needs. 

It’s truly herculean. I don’t and have not done it well. I continue to try. Keeping in mind the notion of The Serenity Prayer.  

I have a lot to learn. I have a lot of work to do. We have a lot to learn. We have a lot of work to do. 

Let’s do it!

A Fragile Net

Sleep has been more prevalent in my life lately. Sleeping is one of my last resort coping skills. I’ve reached a stage of true micro functionality. My energy is fading.

When I do set upon an activity it is very short lived. Starting a flight only to hit pause or starting to write only to let it collect dust on drive.

I have things I need to be doing.

Being ever cognizant of the fragility of my safety net, I now foresee the eminent failure of the safety net. This possible reality is sobbing and should spring me into quick and decisive action. But, when cornered and out of options I become paralyzed.

Support and validation is proving hard to come by. My thoughts are growing darker and darker.

So many don’t see the stark realities and dismiss my thinking. When will they wake up? More importantly for me, how much can I safely share?

The most practical questions I am asking myself: What conditions are worth enduring? What constitutes a “deal breaker”? When do you make a call?

 

The Turbine In The Sky Keeps on Turning: 5,000 Hours Plus Thousands More

There is an eerie quiet in the apartment this evening. A noticeable lack of the sounds of a virtual jet off to a far off place. Unlike many, I always keep my sound on when simming. I landed an A321 in Sacramento a few hours ago. Although I could have flown back east again, I decided to call it quits for a while to let myself rest, pause and reflect.

Despite heading to bed and falling into a light sleep while listening to Skyfaring, I now find myself wide awake once more. Thinking and finding that I need to distract myself with something.

Under quarantine flight sim has become my life. Even more so than usual. I started my day, if you could call it that, with the 777 and a morning departure out of Johannesburg bound for JFK. Even with Orbx Global, the virtual African landscape isn’t much to look at. Wish I had the new openlc. The virtual Atlantic, of course, is a little better. I was going to cross The Atlantic and make my way home a day ago. On approach to Lisbon, though, I had glanced out at The Atlantic and thought, “No, Not Today.” So, I took a long detour through Johannesburg. Oh the things we do to ourselves.

I took some liberties with realism and lumped the two crew rest periods together. With auto cruise on I was able to sleep for a good portion of the rest period. When Alexia’s chime sounded I muttered snooze a few times. More liberties with reality. Despite the long leg and poor sleep the touch down on rwy 22l in JFK was smooth and I made a controlled exit at my intended highspeed. And, with that my 5,000 hour on projectFly was logged.

But, time zones being what they are, 6pm on The Eastcoast is 3pm for in my real world west coast location. Too early for real sleep. Thus, after a few short hours napping and scrolling the ever traumatic land of social media I found myself in the 321 trying and failing to avoid the worst of the weather west of JFK.

So, I hit the 5k mark and just kept flying. And, so long as I can, I’ll just keep flying. In these times it’s just about all I can do.